29/365

January 29, 2015

Jesus answered, "It is written: 'Worship the Lord your God and serve him only.'" Luke 4:8

Superbowl Sunday is one of the busiest, most anticipated weekends of the year.  Thousands of people spends hundreds of thousands of dollars for tickets to the "big game".  Millions of people spend lots of money preparing for Superbowl parties, while companies pay millions of dollars just to have a 30 second spot during this game to advertise for their business.  They understand that "all the world" is watching.  

Football teams work hard just to get to this game, fans faithfully watch football each week to keep up with who is progressing, and could possibly make it to the final round.  Many people will be in the stadium, hands held high, faces painted cheering their hearts out for their favored team.  Several more people will be in their homes, or the homes of friends or family members doing the same thing. 

I have every intention of engaging in a Superbowl party on Superbowl Sunday.  I am not much for watching football, but I have always loved the food, fellowship and commercials.  Although nowadays, the commercials are up for negotiation...but that's another story. 

For some, this is just an opportunity to get together with friends and family and have that fellowship while enjoying good food and watching a little football.  For others, however, this is a lifestyle.  Their whole lives revolve around football.  It is almost like a form of god to them.  Marcus and I were talking about this last night, and we wondered if for those instances, God sees this as a form of worship. 

We are all created to worship something.  In the old testament, God told the Israelites to have no other gods before Him (Exodus 20:3). He delivered them out of Egypt.  Although they spent 40 years in the desert, and often turned away from Him out of frustration, He remembered His covenant with them and continued to provide for them. 

He is a jealous God, though.  He wants us to put no other gods before Him.  He is the creator of Heaven and Earth.  He created us, and provides for us.  He is the one who delivered His people out of Egypt. (Deuteronomy 6:12).  Furthermore, He delivered them many more times from their enemies.  (2 Kings 17:38).

Now I am not saying that we cannot have a healthy love of football or anything else.  God simply wants us to have our priorities in the appropriate order, which means putting Him first in our lives.  Jesus said, It is written, 'Worship the Lord your God and serve Him alone.' Luke 4:8  God gave us a command to worship Him and serve Him and only Him.  He has also given us free will.  We do not have to worship God.  It is entirely up to us. 

When we worship Him, and come into relationship with Him, we are able to receive the blessings He has for us.  This comes from spending time with Him, and getting to know Him, and gaining trust and confidence in His character and promises.  In worship for God, there is love.  Love comes from recognizing that He first loved us (1 John 4:19).  We are given His fullness through recognizing His love for us through Christ (Ephesians 3:18). When we worship other things, we are not able to receive this same fullness that we receive when we worship God.  Though all other forms of worship may lead to temporary pleasure, eventually, the emptiness becomes very evident.

We were created to worship, and if we so choose to worship money, or football, or anything else other than God, we have the right to do so.  However, God is the provider. He is the source of life and the creator of the universe.  He owns it all, and He is in control.  Moreover, He sent His innocent son, Jesus, to pay a sin penalty for us.  He did not have to do that.  But He did it, because He loves us and wants to be in relationship with us.  God wants to bless us.  His blessing makes us rich and no sorrow comes with it (Proverbs 10:22). 

PAG

28/365

January 28, 2015

"I will praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well." Psalm 139:14

While standing in the line at the grocery store, I noticed a front page of a magazine.  I am amazed at how much work goes into glamorizing celebrities.  They are held to a very high regard and standard.  Many of their followers see them as being perfect.  And there is this expectation that since the public sees them as perfect, they must appear that way.

There is a very fine line celebrities must walk.  On one hand they must be perfect, and live up to this surreal character we place on them.  On the other hand,  they cannot appear to be too out of touch with reality or the average person, otherwise they are seen as being uppity.

Celebrities also get criticized for not going all out to look their very best, yet if they go too far, they get criticized for focusing too much on their appearance.  For example, if a celebrity has extra weight on them, their picture may be placed on the front page of a magazine with a tag line like, "Guess who has a muffin top and who doesn't?!"  Yet if they lose too much weight in response to this tag line, they are criticized with, "[Celebrity name] has gone overboard with weight loss.  Needs help!"  Seems as if they cannot win in the public eye.  It is easy to see how some of the younger celebrities fall prey to the image obsession.

The magazine I noticed had a picture of a young public figure on the cover.  There were actually two pictures of this young girl.  One picture was a before picture of her, the other was an after picture of her.  The before picture displayed this beautiful, young and vibrant young girl with a fresh and youthful face.  She looked her age.  The after picture showed a more mature, heavily made up girl.  She looked more sophisticated, and still very nice.  But I couldn't help feel for her.  After a little more examination, it seemed that she had some work done on different parts of her face.  Although I am not sure that she actually had work done, her face did appear that way.  In addition to potentially having had work done on her face, her face was covered in entirely too much make up.  She was already so beautiful, why on earth would she go through all of that to try to improve herself?

Now, I have done my best to not get involved in celebrity gossip and their personal matters.  What is the point?  But while driving home, that girl came to my mind again.  Lord, I pray she would stop getting work done; and that she would see herself as you see her.

God created everything on earth.  He created the heavens and the earth.  And He created us in Him image.  He makes no mistakes.  He created us and when He was done, He said all He had created was very good. (Genesis 1:31).  He did not say, It would look better with a thinner nose, or sharper cheek bones.    He said that it was very good.

In Psalm 139, David expresses to God that he will praise Him because he is fearfully and wonderfully made.  God took great care in creating each and every single one of us.  In fact, the very hairs on our heads have all been counted (Luke 12:7).  Now that is some serious attention to detail  God is a master craftsman, and everything about each of us is perfectly done by His hand.

There is no need to change a nose, or move your eyes up, down or further to the side.  There is no need for a chin lift.  God created you perfect just the way that you are.  Everything about each of us is beautiful and unique.

Now I am not talking about receiving surgery to correct something that will increase better health and wellness.  I mean simply getting a chin lift or nose job because you don't like the way you look.

Eventually, all looks fade, and the only thing that matters is what is on the inside.  Proverbs 31:30 explains it this way, Favor is deceitful, and beauty is vain" but a woman that feareth the Lord, she shall be praised.  

My prayer is that our eyes are opened so that we are better able to see ourselves as God sees us, fearfully and wonderfully made.  Furthermore, I pray that we put more focus on what truly matters rather than the unattainable expectations of society.

PAG

27/365

January 27, 2015

"Now the Lord had said unto Abram, Get thee out of thy country, and from thy kindred, and from thy father's house, unto a land that I will shew thee."  Genesis 12:1

I am always amazed at how God told Abram to leave his home and his land and go to a place he tells him to go.  Genesis 12:4 states, So Abram departed, as the Lord had spoken unto him...  He did not question God, He went.

What an incredible amount of faith and trust it must have taken him to be obedient to God without question.  I wonder if he had any doubts.  I wonder if he thought about staying in his familiar surroundings in order to remain comfortable.  And I wonder if he believed that God would bless him whether he stayed or went. None of these thoughts really matter, because Abram went.

When Marcus and I were living in LA, God told Marcus to "Go home," in November 2010.  He believed that God might have meant that it was time for him to leave his current job and start working from home through our home based business.  When we received our first royalty check from our home business, we felt certain that was God's way of giving us confirmation that He wanted Marcus to quit his day job and come work from home.

A few months later, we hadn't seen another royalty check but this time in prayer, I was the one who heard, "It's time to go home."  At this point, it was pretty clear what God meant.  We were to leave LA and return home to Austin.  I'd like to say that much like Abram, we went without doubts or questions.  We did not.  It took a bit more nudging on God's part to move us.  You see, we believed that God would bless us either way.  If we were obedient and moved back to Austin, God would bless us.  We also believed that if we stayed in LA, He would eventually bless us in LA.

I am sure that had we done things our own way, and stayed in LA, eventually we would have had a raining down of worldly success and blessings.  But we would have done so operating entirely outside of God's will.  His desire, His will, was for us to return back to Austin.  Upon doing so, He would bless us as He'd blessed Abram.

For me, it was giving up my dream and returning to the unknown that bothered me, and made me attempt to rationalize God's call.  Sure, I knew Austin, but what were God's plans for us there?  And how on earth would His blessing in Austin compare to what blessings LA had for us?  The thing is, they would not compare.  The blessing that God had for us would far outweigh what blessings we'd receive from LA.  Proverbs 10:22 says that God's blessing makes us rich and there's no sorrow that comes with His blessings.  Maybe not rich as the world views, but eternally rich from treasures that cannot be destroyed or stolen (Matthew 6:20).

See sometimes God calls us to do something.  We may not receive the why, how or where.  He may only give us the what.  What we can know and find rest in is that God is sovereign.  That means He is in control.  He knows exactly what He is doing and why, even when we don't have a clue.  We can trust Him in His guidance knowing that whatever or wherever He may call us to, we will be richly blessed by Him.

PAG

26/365

January 26, 2015

"That Christ may dwell in your hearts by faith; that ye, being rooted and grounded in love, may be able to comprehend with all saints what is the breadth, and length, and depth, and height: and to know the love of Christ, which passeth knowledge, that ye might be filled with all the fullness of God."  Ephesians 3: 17-19

This morning was a tough morning.  Oh sure, I got up and accomplished much before 6:00 am.  But while playing with my son, I noticed an ache in my heart.  I felt a sadness deep inside for having to leave him and go to work.  My son is currently 13 months old.  I was fortunate enough to be able to spend the first three months with him.  The last 10, I've been at work, away from him 8 hours a day, 5 days a week.

The first day I returned to work was really tough.  After a month, it got a little easier.  The months since have all gotten better, but it is still tough at times.  This morning, for some reason, I was deeply saddened by the thought of leaving my son.  While at work thinking about him, and how much I missed him, I had another thought.  I wonder if God feels that same ache for us when we are away from Him. 

We were created with a desire to be in relationship with Him.  We were created in His image, so He must feel that.  Although He allows us to have free will, He still desires a relationship with us.  He is our heavenly father; and the more I parent my own son, the more it seems that God offers me glimpses of His love for me. I begin to see how my relationship with my son somewhat reflects His desired relationship with me.  The love I have for my son is deep.  There is nothing like holding him tight, seeing his face light up when he sees us walking through the door at the end of the day.  There is nothing like getting a hug from him.  These are the things that melt my heart.  I often tell my son that his mom and dad love him so very much.  Then we talk about other family members that also love him (grandmas, grandpas, aunts, uncles and cousins).  When we reach the end of the list of individuals that love him, I tell him to add them all up and multiply their love for him by a million. Then I explain to him that the amount that equals does not compare to the amount God loves him.

If God loves him that much, I know He loves me that much too.  If God feels that way about me, about all of us, I can only imagine His heart for wanting to be near us, and not wanting us to be separated from Him.  If my heart aches at the thought of being separate from my son all day, and God's love for us is so much more than we can fathom, I can only imagine how much His heart aches when we are separated from Him.

"The Lord hath appeared of old unto me, saying, Yea, I have loved the with an everlasting love: therefore with lovingkindness have I drawn thee." Jeremiah 31:3  The same love had for Israel God had for Israel, He has for us.  And much like How He longed for a closeness with them, He desires a close relationship with us.

PAG

25/365

January 25, 2015

"You are the light of the world.  A city set on a hill cannot be hidden; nor does anyone light a lamp and put it under a basket, but on a lampstand, and it gives light to all who are in the house."  Matthew 5:14-15

When you are at work, what kind of impact are you making?  As a Christ follower, do you look different? Or are you just like everyone else?  I'd like to say that I used to be different.  When I first began working in my current place of employment, I'd excuse myself from conversations that were negative or filled with gossip if I could.  Otherwise, I would look for opportunities to change the conversation topic to something a little more positive or one without gossip.  Or, I'd sit silently waiting for the subject to transition.

Of anyone made a religious joke or anything God related, I would take the time to educate them on the scriptures.  I was always positive and upbeat.  I had a great attitude regardless and was willing to go above and beyond to help others.

I'd like to think I was different.  I 'd like to think I was a bright spot.  I remember when it all changed.  I think I just got tired.  Sometimes being the light can take more energy than I wanted to exert, so I became a little lazier around the third year.  I began joining in on gossip conversations, and adding to complaints.

While reflecting on the difference between then and now, I thought about Lot, Abram's nephew.  He went to Sodom.  He may have been God fearing, but his lifestyle seems to have made no impact on this city.  His being there made no city.  He went along with the majority, for the most part, and in the end, God destroyed the city because of the amount of sin there.

When the angels of the Lord came to bring Lot and his family out of Sodom, they said not to look back. Lot's wife looked back and was turned into a pillar of salt. (Genesis 19:26).  She didn't look back in disgust. She looked back longingly, probably missing the life she was leaving.  Perhaps she was even pining away for the possessions she had to leave behind.  Either way, had she made an eternal impact in Sodom, she may have been more willing to look forward and not turn around as the angels of the Lord  commissioned. Maybe she didn't trust that God knew what He was doing, that He was saving her from the death and destruction that awaited Sodom, so she looked back longing to return.

It wasn't just his wife that were effected by this city.  When the angels of the Lord began escorting them out of the city, Lot hesitated (Genesis 19:16).  Why would he hesitate when He knew that God had sent His angels to lead he and his family to safety?   Also, his daughters' husbands thought he was joking when he told them they all needed to leave.  So they decided to stay.  (Genesis 19:14)

Lot and his family got caught up.  They got caught up in the things of this world and were unable to focus on the things of God.  Although he was described as a righteous man, he did nothing to try to bring about change in the city of Sodom.

Romans 12:1-2 tells us that we need not be conformed to this world, but we must be transformed by renewing our minds.  We are transformed by renewing our minds through our relationship with God and keeping our mind set upon Him.  When we get caught up in the matters of this world, we are more likely to be conformed to this world, thus less likely to be transformed by renewing our minds.

We do live in the world, but as righteous followers of Christ, we are not of this world.  We are to be the light in the darkness.  We are to bring about change in whatever environment God has placed us, not allow that environment change us.  God refers to us as the salt and light of the world.  Light causes change because it adds light to darkness.  You cannot hide light in darkness.  Therefore, in order to truly be the light of the world, we must be the change makers.

God destroyed Sodom because of the infestation of sin.  He destroyed it.  We as Christ followers have a calling.  We must be the difference.  We must be the change.  We must stand firmly on our beliefs in such a way that it attracts others to want to be different also.

I once heard, "You can take Lot out of Sodom, but you can't take Sodom out of Lot."  Whatever we do, and wherever we go, we must hold so tightly to Jesus that when we leave a place, we have--through our light--made it better for His glory.

PAG

24/365

January 24, 2015

"But he said unto them, All men cannot receive this saying, save they to whom it is given."  Matthew 19:11

When we lived in California, I was on a mission.  I mean, we moved there for me to pursue acting on a Mega Professional level.  But I felt called to another mission while I was in pursuit of my acting career.

I wanted to be used by God and led by the Holy Spirit to bring about change all around me.  I wanted to create an eternal impact.

I'd walk the streets headed to or from somewhere also wondering where God would lead me for that day.  Would I share the gospel with someone?  Would I be used by God as His hands and feet and share some food with someone, or just give them a few minutes of my time to encourage or pray with them?

I was excited and ready to go.  I just needed my ears and eyes clear and in tune with God's Holy Spirit so I would not miss an opportunity.

One day I was walking through North Hollywood, I saw a guy.  He was sitting back pretty close to an closed office building.  I could tell he was homeless, because he had his blankets, and a jacket on with a shopping cart parked next to him. I wondered if he was the person I was supposed to be a blessing to.  I decided that I would buy him lunch. I was thinking that morning, that God would lead me to someone to buy lunch for anyway.  I had actually come from window shopping, and I was hungry.  I thought to myself, why not use the money that I plan on using for myself to buy someone else lunch.  So when I saw him, I figured he was the one.

I went to nearby doughnut shop and purchased some orange juice and a ham and cheese breakfast sandwich. While walking back toward him, I prayed and asked God to lead me and shine His light through me.  When I got to him, I said, "Excuse me sir, I got this extra food and wanted to share it."  He took one look at me and said, "No thanks!"  I asked if he was sure, and he responded with, "Yes, I don't want it."  He seemed to have a bit of an attitude, which I brushed off as the enemy trying to discourage me.  I persisted with, "Well, I'll leave it here, and if you change your mind, it'll be here for you to eat later."  His response was, "I won't."  to which I said, "You might."  The last thing he said as I set the food down and began walking away was, "Trust me. I won't."  I said okay and God bless you.  Then I left.

I walked off feeling a bit icky and unsure about what I had done. Was that the right thing?  Did I handle that well?  Lord was that entire exchange genuine on my part?  Was I reflection of You?  Or was that me being prideful?  A few minutes later, I saw an older lady walking with a shopping cart.  She was also homeless.  That's when I had a thought, Was she the one I should have given the food to?   I felt so bad, and asked God to give me peace over the situation.  I said, "Lord, please forgive me if I missed the mark.  If I wasn't supposed to give the food to the man, but I just did it out of some character unrelated to You, I am sorry.  If it was meant for her, and I gave away her blessing, forgive me."  I asked Him to send someone else along to bless her with food if she indeed needed food.

I will never know if that man ate the food or not.  I will never know if it was really meant for me to give that food to the lady I saw after leaving the man.  But I do know this, God has given us a gift.  He has given us Jesus.  Through Jesus, we have eternal life, we have life to the fullest.  It is the greatest gift ever.  It is the gift of salvation, and it comes from accepting Jesus as our lord and savior.

The gift He has given, was not meant to be hidden away in a closet.  We as Christ followers are called to share this gift with others.  But not everyone will want what we have to give them.  Not everyone will receive it.  We don't force this gift on anyone, and neither does God.  We offer it.  That is our task.

Later that day, I wondered if I was more focused on forcing the guy to take the food and complete the task rather than sharing the love of Jesus with Him.  Like, maybe my attitude was, Look, you are homeless and I am not.  I know you are hungry, so take this food I bought you.  I am doing you a favor, so take it cause I know you want it.  And then say thank you!   I wondered if I was so focused on making him realize that he needed the food and I was doing him a favor that I missed the true task.

And whoever shall not receive you, nor hear your words, when you depart out of that house or city, shake off the dust of your feet." Matthew 10:14

Jesus tells us to shake the dust off of our feet when people don't receive us or hear our message.  Let it go and move on!  We do this in love, but we do not let it hold us back.  It may not be their time, they may change their mind and receive it later down the road from someone else.  Or they may never receive it.  That is not on us.  If we've done what we were called to do, and we were not received, we must not stay focused on changing that.  We must move forward in order not to miss the task God has for us.

PAG

8/365

January 8, 2015

"And he answered and said, 'Have ye not read, that he who made them from the beginning made them male and female, and said, for this cause shall a man leave his father and mother, and shall cleave to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh? So that they are no more two, but one flesh.  What therefore God hath joined together, let not man put asunder." Matthew 19: 4-6

Earlier today I listened to a conversation about non traditional marriage.  The conversation included discussions about husbands and wives sleeping in separate rooms.  I hardly contributed to the conversation.  I mostly listened, but did chime in about an article I'd read discussing non traditional marriage.  Among the 10 couples interviewed, two lived in separate homes.  I didn't say more because I didn't know what to say.  I know what I felt, sad.  Is that God's design for marriage?  When I think of God's design, that doesn't see to line up to me.  In Matthew 19: 4-6, God discusses marriage.  That a man shall leave his father and mother and shall cleave to his wife.  They are no longer two, but one flesh.  How do two become one living life this way?  Is it always okay for us to change the dynamics of marriage?  If by living separately or sleeping separately is it possible to fall under God's design for marriage?  How does He feel about this?

My husband and I took a married life class a few years ago.  In that class we learned that our marriage is supposed to be a reflection of the relationship between Christ and His church. We as the church are often referred to as the Bride of Christ in the scriptures.  Therefore as the church is subject unto Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in every thing.  Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it. (Ephesians 5:24-25)

I have been praying through this one for a moment, asking God for revelation on this.  Asking Him to speak to me on this, because it makes my heart hurt.  Lord, why does it make my heart hurt when I hear about a husband and wife sleeping in separate rooms or separate households on purpose?  I am still waiting on God to speak to me on this.

Maybe it is none of my business.  After all, this is not my marriage. I do believe, however, that we are at war with the enemy for our marriages.  He comes to steal, kill and destroy (John 10:10). Steal our joy, steal our peace, kill our faith and trust in God, and destroy our marriages. I also know that as our marriage is meant to be a reflection of Christ and His bride (the church), when I spend time in the word and with God, I feel most connected to Him and have more confidence in my relationship with Him.  This is when I trust Him most, and my faith in Him is strengthened.  When I am away from Him, it is much easier for me to lose faith in Him, and my trust is not as strong.  I am more likely to question His character, His love for me as well as His motives for what He does in my life.

If all of this is true about the time I spend with God vs. the time I spend away from God, and we are the bride of Christ, would that not also be true with my marriage to my husband?  Putting a worldly spin on marriage for our own comfort and satisfaction seems to take away God's initial purpose and vision for what He created it to be.  When we follow His guide for marriage, we are more likely to have the solid foundation which can assist in evading cracks.  Seems to me that by switching it up to suite our own needs, we leave ourselves susceptible for cracks in the marriage.  Cracks in which the enemy can come in and create breaks.

What do you think?

PAG

23/365

January 23, 2015

"I beseech you therefore, brethren, by the mercies of God, that ye present your bodies a living sacrifice, holy, acceptable unto God, which is your reasonable service.  And be not conformed to this world: but be ye transformed by the renewing of your mid, that ye may prove what is that good, and acceptable, and perfect, will of God."  Romans 12:1-2

Recently I read this article about changing your attitude. It was a challenge to think ONLY positive thoughts and write ONLY positive thoughts.  A challenge indeed!

The goal was to do it for a set number of days in hopes of it becoming a habit.  The hope was that after a few days of pushing out the negative, we'd be able to retrain our brains to think more positively.  If we don't write it, and we don't speak it,  eventually when they come to mind, we don't entertain those thoughts any longer.

I confess, I participated in this challenge.  I am all about making myself better.  I felt a bit like I didn't do as well as I had hoped because of ugly thoughts about different people.  I'd do my best to change my thoughts when I became aware of them going down the negative path.  Yet, there were times when I just kept going back to those negative thoughts, entertaining them further.

I also allowed myself to get very upset about a situation that occurred at my job, which led me to participate in some office chatter.  I realized that when I move my mind toward God, I am better able to let go of all the nonsense going on inside of my head.  I either pray, sing, or give thanks to God.  When I find myself drifting or going to those negative places, I need not get upset with myself or feel disappointment.  I just need to move back to the God thoughts.

It's like when we first learn to ride a bike without training wheels, we are able to steer it wherever we go.  We have the power to take control of the bike.  It takes time and practice, but once we get it, we get it.  Just like we have the power to control the bike, we have the power to control what we think and what we write.

In Romans 12:2 we are encouraged to be not conformed to this world, but to be transformed by renewing our mind.  This takes practice.  It takes constant vigilance because our mind has so many different thoughts.

We must take heart, though.  We have the power to take captive all those negative thoughts in order to renew our mind. In order to replace those thoughts with more positive thoughts, the verse goes further to say that when we allow God to transform our minds, we are better able to now God's perfect will.  What is His will?  Well, it is not to lead ourselves down a path that will eventually lead to a crash.

All activities begin in our mind.  How do we allow God to renew our minds?  Through prayer, spending time in His word, and meditating on His word.  When we allow this transformation to occur, it changes us from the inside out.

PAG

22/365

January 22, 2015

"Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation.  The old has passed away; behold, the new has come." 2 Corinthians 5:17

I used to be a party girl.  I loved to drink and smoke pot.  I didn't really have many long term goals other than graduating from college and getting a job.  I was the kind of person who felt like if you can't help me, I can't deal with you  I was very selfish and self serving.  If it was not convenient for me, I was hard pressed to do it.  Sure, I had my moments.  Don't we all?  But for the most part, I was all about PATRICIA!

I could and would hold on to a grudge.  I took pride in this characteristic.  Any little thing someone did to me, I'd use it as an excuse to shut them out.  And if you hurt me, I'd do what I could to hurt you back.

Then I met Jesus.  I am not sure what I expected.  My life to get easier, and for me to be happier, maybe...Life didn't get easier.  And I am still not always happy.  But I will say this, who I am today is far from who I was then.  One of the first things I noticed was that God took away the desire to drink and party.  That was really hard for me to give up.  I always felt like I'd be missing something.  I do remember thinking to myself at one point that the drinking and partying had gotten out of hand. I also remember thinking and reading something about going to God and asking for help.  (John 14:13-14).  So I surrendered to God through fasting and prayer and asked Him to take away the taste for alcohol from me.  And He did.

There are times when I am still challenged with anger.  After praying one day about that, God revealed to me that I am a new creation in Christ.  That means, I am free from the anger.  I was feeling discouraged because I'd been praying and praying about the anger and frustration, when I had the following thought about being a new creation:

I am in Christ Jesus, right?  So if I am in Christ Jesus, doesn't that make me a new creation in Him?  Yes! So if I am a new creation in Christ, that means that the old stuff has passed away.  So...anger was a part of the old me. 

Now I am not talking about valid anger.   We have that emotion for a reason.  It is how we handle it that matters.  Jesus got angry and flipped tables in the temple (Mark 11:!5).  I am speaking on unreasonable anger that leads to ugly thoughts about people and messes with my peace.

This characteristic is a part of the old me.  It has passed away and all things have become new.  I have a new attitude that lines up with Christ, I have a new mind and a new approach.  I am no longer chained to that anger.  

This is a promise of God. He has given me freedom in Christ Jesus.  He has given me victory over this anger and anything else that does not line up with His character, through Christ.  My task is to accept the freedom He has given me, wholeheartedly and stop living like a prisoner in a meadow.

PAG

21/365

January 21, 2015

Who is this God?  Is He a myth?  Is He real?  Is He friend or is He foe?  Can He be trusted?  Or is He just another someone that will judge you and turn His back on you?  Does He really love me?

These are valid questions, and all of them have answers.  God is love.  Whoever does not love does not know God, because God is love. 1 John 4:8

He is the great I Am.  he is the God of Abraham, Isaac and Jacob (Exodus 3:6).  He is the alpha and omega (Revelation 22:13).

He is real, and He is a friend.  "I no longer call you servants, because a servant does not know his master's business.  Instead, I have called you friends, for everything that I learned from my Father I have made known to you." John 15:15

He can be trusted with our entire life.  We will all be judged, but God will not turn His back on anyone who has trusted in Christ Jesus. "Who will bring a charge against God's elect?  God is the one who justifies; who is the one who condemns?  Christ Jesus is He who died, yes, rather who was raised, who is at the right hand of God, who also intercedes for us."  Romans 8:33-34.

Yes, He loves you.  "This is real love--not that we loved God, but that he loved us and sent his Son as a sacrifice to take away our sins."  1 John 4:10.  Yes, God loves you.  He loves the world.

Not only does He act as our provider (Jehovah Jirah-Genesis 22:14), He is also our prince of peace (Jehovah Shalom-Judges 6:24), and our hedge of protection (Isaiah 9:6).

God is who He says He is.  There is nothing anyone can say to change what is.  He love us, and he cares for us.  He watches over us when we sleep (Psalm 121:4).  When we cry, He holds every tear. "Thou tellest my wanderings: put thou my tears into thy bottle: are they not in thy book?" Psalm 56:8.

He wants a relationship with us, and He hears our prayers.

PAG

20/365

January 20, 2015

"For I know the thoughts I think toward you, saith the Lord, thoughts of peace, and not of evil, to give you an expected end." Jeremiah 29:11

Ever since I can remember, I have wanted to be an actress and performer.  When I was 5 years old, I would pretend to be Dorothy from The Wizard of Oz or Annie.  Whatever role I chose to be really depended on the day and what songs I felt like singing.  I'd serenade anyone who would listen, and share with them my decision of the day.

At some point, something happened and I got away from that dream.  Briefly in middle school, I went back to it.  After that, it took many years before it bubbled up to the surface again.  I was in my mid twenties, and I decided then that acting and performing was what I wanted to do for a living.  So I went after it with my whole heart.  Never before had I pursued a dream in this way.  Everything else in my life took a back seat to this goal.

I believed that it could happen.  That it would happen.  I believed acting and performing was my purpose and the reason I was born.  When I gained more confidence in this craft, I decided to move to LA.  How could I want to pursue this as a career and not be in LA?

When I arrived in LA, I got a HUGE reality check and wake up call.  There were many good looking, seemingly opened doors that closed almost immediately when I tried to walk through.  My journey in LA took several unexpected turns.  That's when God led me back to writing.  I remember writing as a child.  I'd write stories and chapter books and share them with my peers.  I'd always been a pretty good writer, but I never had any thoughts on going down that path.

I started to blog, and fell in love with writing all over again.  Though I experienced this, I continued praying for acting, not yet realizing my potential call for writing.  It wasn't until God called us back to Austin and a series of things happened-- we slept in our car for 7 days, I lost my Dad, etc.-- that I acknowledge God's calling for me to write a book about our LA experience.

I finished that book, and felt like I'd experienced healing through writing it.  All these sign and I never recognized what God was calling me to do.

Honestly, I felt sad, bitter, and like I was missing out on my dream.  I felt like God had taken something way from me by not blessing me in my acting.  But God wanted so much more for me.  He had a plan for me from the beginning.  He created me to write for His glory.  I was a good actress.  I'd even stretch as far to say that I was a pretty great actress, and I did love it.  I have many fond memories of acting.  But it was not God's very best for me.

It's like my first love vs. my husband.  Sure, I was sad when he broke my heart, and thought my world was over.  I couldn't see how life could get any better.  And yes, today, I can say that I have fond memories of some of the times I spent with my first love.  But God had another plan for me.  He chose Marcus just for me, and through our union, He has blessed me far more.

I was on hold for a long time, holding on to the past with my acting dream.  It was not until I let go, and trusted God that He was able to move.  I had to accept the truth and let go of the lie I believed for so long. I had to believe that God was for me, and He wants my success.  He wants me to walk in purpose.  My job was to believe in Him and his promises, decide to follow His will and the purpose He called me to, then walk in that purpose.

PAG

19/365

January 19, 2015

"Wives submit yourselves unto your own husbands as it is fit in the Lord." Colossians 3:18

I have a problem with submission.  Especially when my husband offers constructive criticism and suggests I stop doing something that exudes a less than graceful behavior. I notice that when my husband corrects me in anything, or makes a suggestion on how I can do something I've already done better, my feathers sometimes get a little ruffled.  

I get annoyed and I give him the cold shoulder.  Moreover, I go over his comments in my head and try to think of ways to discount what he has said in order to make what I've done right and appropriate.  I know I'm wrong and that his recommendations are necessary, but in my mind, I look for ways to justify my actions. 

I might also ignore him, or get snippy with him until I feel better about being wrong.  But according to God, my husband is the head of the household.  Not that this gives him the permission to lord power over me. God has commissioned him to be a spiritual leader to me as his wife, and to our household. I am his helpmate and his wife, and when he takes on this role to lead me spiritually, I am to submit.  

This is not a bad thing.  Submission is a form of respect.  I am also to honor my husband. If I am ignoring him, and doing all that I can to discount what he says and make him wrong, then I am not doing either of those things.  

Proverbs 21:9 says, It is better to dwell in a corner of the housetop than with a brawling woman in a wide house.  Wow...I certainly do not want to be that kind of woman.  I want to be the kind described in Proverbs 31 

The heart of her husband doth safely trust in her, so that he shall no need of spoil.  She will do him good and not evil all the days of her life. (Proverbs 31:11-12).  I want him to trust me with his heart, and I want to do good, not evil as long as I am her on earth.  

God chose my husband specifically for me.  He has entrusted me with his heart. When I dishonor my husband by thinking of ways to make what he says trivial, I am putting my pride before his heart.  God also speaks on pride in Proverbs.  Pride goeth before destruction, and an haughty spirit before a fall. (Proverbs 16:18).

Our marriage is to be a reflection of Christ's relationship to the church.  If I treat my husband with so little care, what does that say about how I would treat Jesus?  We are also called as stewards to take care of what God gives us.  In so doing, we honor and show love for Him.

PAG

18/365

January 18, 2015

"Let not your heart be troubled: believe in God, believe also in me. In my father's house are many mansions; if it were not so, I would have told you." John 14:1-2

Ever since I became a Mom, I have struggled with something.  I am embarrassed to share this, but I fully believe that often we have to confess our sins before others (as well as God) in order to be set free of them.  Bringing them to light, often breaks the chains they may hold us under.

One of my biggest things is being okay with my son's love for my Mother in law.  In the beginning, I experienced a lot of jealousy and did not want him around her.  I felt inadequate as a Mom in comparison to her, and just wanted some space to figure the whole Mom role out.

Thankfully, God has worked in much of those areas helping me to be a better sport.  However, there are still moments when I feel this deep burning inside of me when I see him with her.  I want my son to love me.  I want him to want to be around me, and to know who I am.  As his Mom, I believe my role in his life is pretty important.  I want him to know and understand the importance of this role.

This is how God wants us to view Him.  He is a jealous God.  He wants us to love Him with all of our hearts.  He wants to be first in our lives.  He wants us to want to be in His presence at all times, to want to spend time with Him.

Now don't get me wrong, I love my Mother in law.  She is an incredible person, and I am so thankful to her for all that she has done for my son.  When I really think about it, she is such an amazing and Godly example for him to be around and learn from.  My issue was just like I was competing with her for his love, and wanting to seek her out for comfort rather than me.  Furthermore, there was worry that he would not view me as important in his life because of the amount of time he spend with her vs. the amount of time he spends with me.

Again, God.  He wants to be number one in our life.  He wants to be the first place we run when we need comfort and in times of sadness, pain or trouble.  He doesn't want to be our last resort, He wants to be our first stop. He wants us to know Him, and not confuse anything else for Him.

Another revelation God has been showing me is that not only does He want to be number one, but He is Father to all of us, and His love is big enough for each of us.  My son's love for his grandmother, though not as big as God's love, will not take anything away from the love he has for me.  He, like myself, was created in God's image.  Therefore, his heart and love is big enough to hold the both of us.  Additionally, God called me to be his Mom.  He has only one mother, much like we only have one Heavenly Father.

God revealed to me after much prayer around this, that another reason I feel this way is because of His love for me.  I have doubted for so long His ability to love me as much as He loves others.  But this just doesn't line up with God.  He is love.  He loves ALL of His children the same.  John 3:16 explains that.  For God so loved the world, that He gave his only begotten son, that whosoever believeth in him should not perish, but have everlasting life.

God has more than enough.  Our treasures in heaven are more than enough without anyone feeling cheated by God.  Not only does He not have more than enough of everything to supply our physical needs (food, clothing, water, etc.), He also has more than enough LOVE for all of His children.  None of us need to feel deprived.  We only need to receive it.

PAG

17/365

January 17, 2015

"But my God shall supply all your need according to his riches in glory by Christ Jesus." Philippians 4:19

Lately my son has developed this habit of whining when he wants something, food in particular.  I am hoping this is a phase, because normally, he is very patient and calm.  One would think once he saw me preparing the food for him, he'd relax.  But his whining just gets more intense.  Like he believes I do not hear him, and I will not feed him.  Or perhaps, that I don't understand the intensity of his hunger.  At ll months, I said to him, "You should know by now that Mommy is going to feed you.  I know I might move a little slow sometimes, so you just have to be patient."

My husband immediately responded to this comment from me with, "I wonder if God says the same thing to us."  Hmm....what a revelation.  We both started laughing at that.

I cannot tell you how many times I've prayed and asked for God's help only to say to Him, "Lord, where are you?  Can you not hear my plea?"  The longer I wait, the more intense my prayers become.  As if to say, "God you don't understand, I really, really need you to do this now!"  It's as if I have to show Him just how desperate I am before He'll answer my prayers.

But His word tells us that He shall, not wants to, not can, but He shall supply all of our needs according to His riches in glory.  Merriam-Webster defines shall as will have to, must.  Another definition states that shall means expressing a strong assertion or intention.  God shall supply all my needs according to His riches in glory.  He owns it all; therefore, I can take confidence in knowing that this is a promise He has made and He shall keep.  Much like a parent shall feed their hungry child, God will feed me.  He will meet my needs.  There is no reason for me to get impatient, or aggravated.  God knows our needs, and He knows exactly when we need them.

After all my years on this earth, I should know by now that He'll take care of me.  I just have to be patient with Him sometimes.

PAG

16/365

January 16, 2015

"There is no fear in love; but perfect love casteth out fear: because fear hath torment.  He that feareth is not made perfect in love." 1 John 4:18

2013 was a very big year for me.  I found out I was going to become a mom, and at the end of the year, I met my son.  I was so excited and nervous about everything.  For a moment, I did fine figuring things out as a new mom.  All of the sudden, one day I became overrun with fear.  I became fearful of everything related to myself and my loved ones.  I was afraid that this incredible experience would come crashing down on my head.  Life was so great, and we were so blessed that I was convinced God was going to do something drastic to balance things out.

I spoke with my husband about it, hoping that if I brought the issue to light, it would go away.  But it did not. That fear gripped me tight.  Some moments, it was so overwhelming that I thought I'd drown under the weight of it.  Other times I was so burdened by the fear, I was unable to enjoy myself and my blessings.

Tired of being fearful, I prayed and prayed asking God to take the fear way. I reminded myself that He did not give me the spirit of fear (2 Timothy 1:7).  The fear remained.

One day, after I finished praying about it, God gave me revelation in 1 John 4:18.  There is no fear in love, but perfect love casteth out fear: because fear hath torment.  He that feareth is not made perfect in love.

I thought to myself, Okay.  Perfect love casts out fear.  But I do not have a perfect love.  Immediately after finishing that thought, I realized that I do have perfect love.  Jesus.  My love is not perfect.  But His love is.  And He lives within me. Thus His perfect love is within me.  Therefore, the love of Jesus able to cast out the fear I experience.

I then said to God, Lord, I am not perfect, and neither is my love.  But the love of Jesus lives within me.  His love is perfect.  Therefore, His perfect love is able to cast out the fear.  

It is an ugly and energy sucking feeling to be gripped by fear.  Fear is torment.  Jesus is love.  His perfect love is able to save and set free the torment of fear.

PAG

15/365

January 15, 2015

"Jesus saith unto him, I am the way, the truth, and the life: no man cometh unto the Father, but by me." John 14:6

I am an administrative assistant in a very busy office.  As busy as I am, the director of the program I work for is doubly busy.  During the high traffic seasons, one of my tasks is to act as a gatekeeper for her.  This method ensures that she is able to handle her responsibilities.

Many people attempt to slip by ignoring my position.  Often people do not recognize the importance of my relationship to the director, or the need to acknowledge me.  However, the only way to get to her is through me.  I find this very interesting, and while thinking it over one day realized the parallel between Jesus and God.

Many people ignore Jesus, failing to recognize the importance of His position.  Often times people believe they can have God without Jesus.  But Jesus said He is the truth, the life and THE WAY!  He further went on to state that NO get to the father but through Him!  That sounds pretty important to me.

In my office, there are seasons when traffic is very low.  Thus, people are able to get passed me in order to reach my director.  However, Jesus' position in relationship to the father never changes.  He is the way.  He is the only way for us to get to God.  There is no other way.  In my position, people are sometimes able to slip by me during the busy seasons.  With God, there is never a season we are able to come to Him without going through Jesus first.

Though His position in comparison to God may seem dim to some, His role and relationship is most important.  He is the gatekeeper, the only way.  There's no slipping by Jesus because unlike me, He takes no breaks.  He is, He was, and always will be the only way to God.  And He is waiting for you to go to Him in order to get to the Father.

PAG

14/365

January 14, 2015

Wherefore seeing we also are compassed about with so great a cloud of witnesses, let us lay aside every weight, and the sin which doth so easily beset us, and let us run with patience the race that is set before us, looking unto Jesus the author and finisher of our faith; who for the joy that was that was set before him endured the cross, despising the shame, and is set down at the right hand of the throne of God." Hebrews 12:1-2

Have you ever felt like giving up?  Who hasn't?  There are moments in my life when I commit to something and in the beginning it all seems great.  Then somewhere in the middle, I ask myself, "Why did I commit to this?"  At the moment, the here and now immediate gratification seems to out weigh the potential end reward.  I even find that telling myself, "If you give up now, you most likely will not reach your goal" isn't enough to keep me motivated.  I want what I want and I'm just tired of waiting for the unknown.  Things may get tough or slow, and I just get tired of working and waiting.  Besides, how do I know I will get the end result I desire or expect?

What would have happened if Jesus quit before going to the cross?  What if He got so frustrated or fed up with the process He went through, that He decided to quit?  Then what?  Where would we be?

He was beaten, scourged, mocked, spit on, and hung on a cross.  All this occurring after He experienced an all night prayer vigil in the Garden of Gethsemane.  He even prayed and asked God if there was anyway for Him to remove the responsibility from Jesus (Luke 22:42).  But He did not, and Jesus accepted that.  It was the Father's will.  So he never quit.  He set His mind on the end result, let go of anything else He may have felt and moved forward.  Because we were worth the sacrifice to Him.

Jesus must be the example we follow when things get tough.  When we feel like giving in, we must keep going with the end result in mind.  He endured the cross despising the same and is set down at the right hand of the throne of God.  Rest assured, the bigger the goal, the bigger the struggle.  But remember Jesus and the sacrifice He made for us.  If He was able to endure a cross, we are able to endure what is necessary to accomplish what we set forth to do.

PAG

13/365

January 13, 2015

"Then said Jesus, Father, forgive them; for they know not what they do." Luke 23:34

One of my coworkers and I have a very awkward relationship.  In the beginning, it was pleasant.  Lots of polite hellos and quick getting to know you conversations, and respect.

Then something happened.  We were preparing for a very big school registration, and my department was leading the process.  As a way to keep certain groups looking succinct, we bought them polo shirts.  I was given a list of people who needed to receive these polo shirts.

They were nice shirts, but the response was a bit overwhelming.  People who were not on the list, contacted me about the shirts, requesting one.  People with similar shirts wanting one to add to their shirt collection. Most people were fine with my not being able to give them a shirt.  Some were upset about it, but moved on. This particular employee would not stop pestering me about getting a polo.  He kept telling me, "I am new and I have no shirts.  Please!"  I am sorry. I'd tell him.  I cannot give you a shirt.  That was not enough. He would not stop.  For two days, each time he saw me, he'd mention getting one of the shirts.  That's all I heard about from him.

Aggravated out of my mind by him after listening to him go on and on about getting a shirt, I finally grabbed one and threw it at him, "Here!  JESUS!"  And walked off.  To that, his demeanor changed.  His face fell and he said, "You know what, never mind."   I thought to myself, Really? Then he said, "I don't need it that bad." As if response was not bad enough, I continued with, "Obviously you do because you've been bothering me about it for two days.  Keep the shirt!"

The next day was registration.  I saw him and guess what, he was NOT wearing the shirt.  I was beyond livid.  I felt like I was seeing red, and I could feel the steam coming out of my ears.  At some point during the day, what I had done began to sink in.  Originally, I wondered if maybe I was a little harsh, but I concluded that I was justified in my response and anger.  Now, I was beginning reflect on my actions and what it expressed about me.  Furthermore, I began to reflect on how my actions reflect on my profession to be a follower of Christ.  My actions cast a poor reflection for myself and of Christ. I am called to be the hands and feet of Christ.  If that was the only Jesus related thing he saw, would he want Jesus?  I needed to apologize.

I didn't want to.  I kept making excuses in my mind why I didn't need to apologize. God knows I'm sorry. and As long as I know I'm truly sorry that's all that really matters.  At some point during registration, I did apologize.  He accepted my apology.

After the apology, I've noticed each time I see him there's this awkwardness.  It is almost like he doesn't want to look at me or acknowledge me.  When I say hello to him, it almost seems like it is taking all of his energy to respond.  It is a short response, with strained politeness.  But there is always this awkwardness hanging over the room and I am transformed back to that moment when I was a complete jerk to him over a silly shirt.  And I wonder, have I truly been forgiven.

It may all just be in my head, but I do wonder if he has forgiven me.  Yes, my behavior was atrocious.  Yes, I was a poor reflection of Christ to him, and yes I was a terrible reflection of myself, and the kind of person I want to be perceived as.

After thinking about this situation, I was led to this scripture, "As far as the east is from the west, so far hath he removed our transgressions from us." Psalm 103:12  What if God were the same way?  I used to wonder if when I asked His forgiveness, did He really forgive me?  Or was there that awkwardness still lingering?   His words says He has removed my transgressions far from me.  Therefore, He must truly forgive and forget them.

If God is able to forgive us, why is it so hard for us to truly forgive others?  Jesus, took our burdens on, and died on a cross for us.  When He was hanging on that cross, He did not have a spirit of bitterness or anger.  He has compassion for us and forgiveness.  He asked God to forgive us because we had no idea what we were doing.  People lied on Him, whipped Him, spat in His face and mocked Him.  How much pain did He experience at the hand of them?  How much pain has He experienced at our hand, yet He forgave them, and He forgives us.

When I try to imagine what Jesus must have felt like in those moments leading to the cross, I wonder How can I possibly NOT forgive when He did?  He is the example I want to follow, so why can't I do that?  Though I strive to be more like Him in this way, I am reminded in those weaker human moments how much I need Him to soften my heart, and remind me of the forgiveness He has bestowed upon me.

PAG

12/365

January 12, 2015

"He shall cover thee with his feathers, and under his wings shalt thou trust: his truth shall be thy shield and buckler." Psalm 91:4 

Parenthood.  It is full of challenges and blessings.  Nothing like holding your child and watching them sleep peacefully in your arms.  There is also nothing like watching them run to you when they see you, and wrapping their arms around you.  There is also nothing like having them smack you in the face when you have upset them. Or them not cooperating with you, and crying like you just ended their world, when all you want to do is change their diaper.

Through this parenthood journey, I have had many opportunities for practicing patience, and realized the true meaning of grace and forgiveness.  There are moments when I cannot stand to see my son upset about something.  For example, he is playing with my tablet and having a grand old time and I take it away.  Or I make him stop playing with something inappropriate.  I just want him to be happy and smile and giggle.  On the other hand, I am his parent.  I am older and wiser, and I  want him to be safe.  It is, after all, my job to protect him.

When I see him go for something on the floor to put in his mouth, yes, he might cry and look at me as if I've broken his heart, but I am doing this to protect him.  I had this thought earlier today while missing my son and thinking of his, "you broke my heart" face.  Then I realized that God is my heavenly father and He does the same thing for me.  He answers prayers.  He can move mountains.  He is God, Lord of all.

His ability to do anything does not keep Him from saying no.  Like a parent, He is able to say no, and at times, He does.  Not because He wants to hurt me.  At times, he says no in order to protect me.  He may also be trying to teach me a lesson.  We moved back from LA in May 2011.  I was sad, angry and bitter at God for a long time.  I could not let go of how I felt.  It was as if God had come down and ripped my heart out of my chest and held it over my head staring down at me.

After much praying, meditating, fasting, etc., I did realize that by Him moving us out of LA and sending us back home, He may have been protecting us from something. Or, he might have been teaching us a lesson.  God is good. He is our father in heaven, and He wants the very best for His children.  If He says no, it is with good reason.  He may want us to wait, learn something first, or become better prepared for what we are asking Him for.  Or, since He is all knowing, He is able to see what we are not able to see.  He knows the outcome, and it may not be what we expect, thus, He wants to protect us.

Like children with their parents, we just need to trust that He has our very best interest at heart.

PAG

11/365

January 11, 2015

"But seek ye first the kingdom of God, and his righteousness; and all these things shall be added unto you."  Matthew 6:33

You ever have a busy day?  I do.  I have them all the time.  Woke up early, but not early enough.  Got lots accomplished.  9:15pm, I come downstairs from putting my son to bed, and I am faced with my morning readings, which I missed.

We slept in until 6:00am, and although we got lots accomplished throughout our day, we missed our morning reading. We did attend church, but I have been working on taking time to spend with God each morning.  I am the kind of person that goes after things.  I like setting goals, and completing tasks.  There are times when I get caught up in life that I forget to stop and spend time with the giver of life.  Therefore, I am working on getting better about that.  This is important.

God doesn't mind us being productive.  It clearly states it in Proverbs 6:6, "Go to the ant, thou sluggard, consider her ways, and be wise."  I have never seen an idle ant.  Although God wants us to be productive, and not be lazy, Jesus is clear when He tells us to not worry about certain things in life Matthew 6:31, 34.  We need only seek first His kingdom and all other things will be added to us.  I need to remember this next time I put God's word aside to accomplish other things.  He has promised to handle it if I seek Him first.  This means making Him my top priority.

PAR

10/365

January 10, 2015
"I do not ask You to take them out of the world, but to keep them from the evil one. "They are not of the world, even as I am not of the world.  Sanctify them in the truth; Your word is truth." John 17:15-17

So although I'm fasting, I am the only one in my house fasting right now.  There are five of us living under the same roof.   4 adults and one child.  I have been around food the whole time while at home.  I am either feeding my son, or smelling the aroma of breakfast, lunch or dinner.  I also sit at the dinner table to socialize.  I want to teach my son the importance of eating together as a family.  So I am around food.  The trend doesn't stop at home either.  I have been around coworkers who do not know that I am fasting.  They eat, crunch, smack and I sit doing my best to drown out the smells and sounds.  Food is everywhere. 

When fasting, the only way to avoid it would be for me to avoid all human contact.  It's kind of like sin.  The only way we Christ followers can avoid the sins of this world is by cutting off human contact.  But Jesus is very clear in His prayer to God that He wants us to remain in the world.  How else can we reach the lost and be a light in the darkness?  We are, however, to resist temptation.  

Although we are in the world, Jesus states that as He was not, we too are not of this world.  That is a hard fact.  I mean, when I am with a group and they start gossiping about someone, what is my role?  I am in the room, but do I have to be a part of the conversation?  If I am around people actively sinning, I may be tempted to go along.  But as a child of God, that is not my role.  If I am in the world, I am in the world. But I do not have to participate in the temptations and sins of this world knowingly.  Don't get me wrong, we've all sinned and fallen short of God's glory (Romans 3:23).  We will never live a day on this side of heaven without sinning in some way, shape or form.  But if we know we are sinning, our role as Christ followers is not to continue in it, we are to turn away from the sin.  

Jesus also prayed that God would sanctify us in truth.  To sanctify means to set apart.  If we are set apart in God's truth, that means that we are in the word and familiar with the word, when we are in the word more consistently.  If we are in the word more consistently, then we are more able to know our position in Christ, and stand firmly on that position.  We remember that we are set apart, and we are rooted deeply enough in the word that we are strong enough to act accordingly.  We are reminded that though we are in the world, we are not of the world; thus we have the choice not to participate in the things of this world, no matter how difficult.  

Fasting in itself is a challenge.  Throw in yummy smells and visuals of food, and this practice can become ten times more difficult.  As I set myself apart, I must remain deeply rooted in God's word so that when I have the choice to give in to temptation, I am able to stand strong and continue honoring God. 

PAG

9/365

January 9, 2015

"A man's heart deviseth his way: but the Lord directeth his steps." Proverbs 16:9

 This morning when the alarm rang at 5:ooam, I dragged myself out of bed convincing my body and mind to leave my comfy and warm bed.  I always find it most challenging to get out of bed on cold days.  But this morning, I was on a mission.  I had to get up and get going on certain activities so that I could complete them before my son woke up.  The last two days, he slept until 6:00am and 6:30am, so I was banking on him repeating that pattern.

I sat down in front of my Bible for some quiet time, opened it up to the chapter that I was about to read and
BAM!  I heard his cry over the monitor.  I went upstairs and sure enough, he was awake and eagerly awaiting someone to come take him out of his crib.  There goes my quiet time! I thought to myself.  I gave him his breakfast hoping he'd settle a bit and rest some more.  Nope...he was wide awake and ready to play.  I first tried to finish my quiet time with him in my lap.  I gave him a book to keep him occupied.  My idea didn't work.  I wondered if I'd be able to finish my quiet time this morning.

Then, I got another thought. I decided to bring his toys and books, set them on the floor close to me to see if he'd entertain himself.  Thankfully, he was able to keep himself busy while I completed my quiet time.

Isn't that how life is though?  We make plans, but God orders our footsteps.  How incredibly frustrating that can be.  I am a planner.  I like to know what to expect.  When God comes in and interrupts my plans, it makes me a bit uneasy.  In addition to being a planner, I am also a completer.  I like to complete tasks.  When I don't I feel unaccomplished.  So when I make plans, I want to get them done.  Though sometimes I do eventually complete them, there are other times I do not complete them.  Sometimes God has other plans for us.  I've been in these situations before.  In the beginning, they are very challenging for me.  I've fought them because I refuse to let go of my plans.  But that only makes me more frustrated.  There are times when I just throw up my hands and say, "Okay, God!  What do you want me to do?"  I have learned that no matter how frustrated I may feel in the beginning, and how resistant I can be, when I humble myself to God, and go along with what He  has for me. Not only do I feel peace, but I always seem to realize that His path for my footsteps in the situation is so much more than what I planned.  Working away from my son 8 hours a day is tough.  So being able to do my morning with him near is such a delight to my heart.  Not only that, but I am able to model for him, what it looks like to spend a little time in God's word each morning.

PAG

7/365

January 7, 2015

"The Lord is nigh unto them that are of a broken heart, and saveth such as are of an contrite spirit." Psalm 34:68

Loss...is something that we will all experience.  Although loss of any kind is difficult, the loss of a loved one is one of the hardest things we can face in this life.  If you have not yet experienced loss, rest assured, you will. Nothing in our life is more certain than this.  We all come into the world through birth, and we will all leave through death.  This part has always been the part I am most uncomfortable with.  It is the part I do not look forward to.  But who looks forward to loss?

Two coworkers recently experienced loss.  There is always this deafening silence in these moments.  Wanting so badly to rewind time and somehow change things.  So desperate for things to go back to how they were before the moment you knew. 

Why does this happen?  Why do we have to experience loss of loved ones?  To answer with, "Its just a part of life", seems cliche and empty.  I need more.  What do you say to a grieving person?  And what do you say to yourself when you experience it?  

I supposed we cannot truly appreciate life without death.  We cannot truly appreciate those in our lives without knowing that there is an end time for all of us.  We do not carry this thought with us daily as a burden, however, we carry this thought as a reminder to love and love big.  

But what does God say about it? There is an answer for everything in the scriptures.  I mean, the Bible is God inspired.  And God is the creator of the ENTIRE UNIVERSE.  So what does He say?  I searched and searched and prayed for revelation about it.  The only passage that I came across was in Psalm 34:68.  I am not sure why people have to die and why we have to lose our loved ones or experience loss.  I do know that as the passage states, God is near us when we are brokenhearted.  Contrite according to Merriam-Webster Dictionary means those that are feeling or showing sorrow or remorse.  

So although we may never know why we experience loss, we can take comfort in knowing that God is with us, and He cares for us.  He is our comforter (Jeremiah 8:18), and He will walk with us through the pain.  

PAR

365 Blog Update

January 12, 2015
So although I confess I have been keeping up with writing every day.  I have not been keeping up with typing it out on the blog.  I am working getting the dates missing uploaded here.  My apologies for the inconvenience.

PAR

6/365

January 6, 2015

"No temptation has overtaken you except what is common to mankind. And God is faithful; he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, he will also provide a way out so that you can endure it." 1 Corinthians 10:13

Honestly, I didn't have a clue what to write about.  I am on day two of a fast and I am tired.  My brain feels like I am in a fog, and I am ready to go to sleep.  I have felt like this pretty much all day.  I considered telling myself to just forget this and go to bed.  I kept going back and forth in my head to make not completing this task once again okay.  Then I got to work.

I just can't stop thinking about food.  I even considered ending this fast.  It is amazing how much time I spend thinking about food, preparing food, eating food.  I notice the days seem to be much longer, and time seems to be dragging.  I wondered if it was because I am no longer breaking my day up with meals and snacks.  

I was also keep thinking about how far away 19 days are...Will this fast really change anything?  Will it really draw me closer to God?  Will I see fruit in our ministry?  Will God answer my prayers?  All this on food...isn't a fast supposed to help get my mind more on Jesus?

That's it.  I feel totally convicted.  Is food my master?  Is that why I cannot stop thinking about it?  I get that when Jesus spoke about man not being able to serve two masters, He meant God v. money (Matthew 6:24). But this is serious.  Where is my mind?  Where is my heart?  ON FOOD!  What do I do to make this better?  Maybe that's just it.  Maybe that is the revelation I have been seeking: for God to show me the areas that I need Him.  I recognize that I have gone a bit overboard indulging in food lately, especially sweets for the past three months.  One of my prayers for this fast was even for God to remove the desire for sweets away from me, and help me to practice better temperance with food.  "And I say unto you, Ask, and it shall be given you; seek, and ye shall find; knock, and it shall be opened unto you." Luke 11:9.  I asked God to reveal those things to me, and although I wasn't prepared for Him to reveal that, He did.  

I've been so focused on food, that I have neglected spending time with my Heavenly Father.  This time is an opportunity for me to get back to being in His presence more, and hopefully learning how to find a balance so that I can carry it well after this fast is broken.  

As far as the answered prayers and the fast being worth something, well this is what God revealed to me: although I may continue to be tempted for the next 19 days, and so on, God is faithful.  His promises are true.  And He promised me in 1 Corinthians 10:13 that He will not allow me to be tempted beyond what I can bear.  Praise be to God!

Patricia

5/365

January 5, 2015

"But he answered and said, it is written, man shall not live by bread alone, but by every word that proceedeth out of the mouth of God."  Matthew 4:4

Jesus said those words to Satan while he was fasting in the desert.  He was at the end of His fast of 40 days and 40 nights.  The thought of fasting that long just overwhelms me.  40 days and nights without ANY food???  Wow!  I am an athletic person.

I am very active, and I value good nutrition.  But I love food!  There is nothing like having a yummy meal alone or with someone.  It is so satisfying to me.  I notice there are times when I tend to overdo my eating.  If it is a delicious meal or snack, I just want more and more of it.

I was once a smoker.  I realized that at some point I stopped enjoying the smokes, yet I continued to smoke for almost 6 years.  Why?  I realized I'd done this because I was chasing after something.  I was searching for something to satisfy me.  Something to fill an immediate need.  I was chasing after that feeling I got the first time I took a drag.  That's how it get sometimes for me with food now that I no longer smoke.  Actually, I have always loved food and felt that way about it.  What I learned and continue to learn is that food can only satisfy my natural appetite. but at some point, I begin to over compensate because I am spiritually unsatisfied.  I need more Jesus.  I need more of the word of God.

Jesus makes reference to this at the end of His 40 day and 40 night fast in chapter 4, verse 4.  He must have been hungry.  He may have even been tired.  Yet He stands His ground and states with confidence what is the truth.  It isn't enough to feed our physical body.  We need to feed our spiritual body as well.

There is nothing like a great meal, therefore, fasting is a challenge for me.  However, we are more than just a natural body.  We are body, mind and spirit wrapped into one.  Each part needs food for survival.  We need to feed our bodies food and water.  We need to feed our brain with intellect. We need to feed our spiritual man so that we are truly made full and feel satisfied. 

Our bodies need food for fuel.  Our spirit man needs Jesus.  We need the word of God.  It helps strengthen us, sustain us and renew us.

Patricia

4/365

January 4, 2015

"He will not suffer thy foot to be moved: he that keepeth thee will not slumber.  Behold, he that keepeth Israel shall neither slumber nor sleep." Psalm 121:3-4

As a parent, sleep goes out the window.  In the beginning, the baby wakes up every few hours, and some nights every hour...you can reach the point when you wonder if you will ever get a good night sleep again.  We were at that point.  Then a miracle occurred, our son started sleeping through the night.  We were starting to enjoy this for a while when all of the sudden, he began teething.  Now it was a bit dicey.  Some nights he'll sleep all the way through.  Other nights, he'll wake up between midnight and 3:00am.

The other night, I woke up to his crying over the monitor.  I went to get him.  Usually, he will settle when I bring him to our room.  But on this particular night, he kept crying.  I tried calming him with rocking.  He kept crying.  I gave him water.  That usually helps.  It did not help.  I even changed his diaper thinking that would help him.  It calmed him for about a minute.  Then he went back to crying.  I prayed asking God to help.  "Lord please give me some wisdom here.  I am tired and frustrated because I can't seem to figure out how to calm him down."

I prefer not to give him milk between 8:30pm and 6:00am, but I honestly felt desperate.  I prayed a little more for God's wisdom, and finally decided to give him milk.  He gulped it down and was out in a matter of seconds.  He wanted to cuddle, so he snuggled against me and sailed off to dream land once again.  I lay there wide awake relieved as I watched him sleep.

Then I had a thought, "I wonder if this is how God watches over us."  I then, had a further thought, "I wonder if God can sleep, but chooses not to because He wants to keep an eye on His children."  I mean, I was wide awake, but my body was sleepy.  I yearned for sleep again, but at the same time, I wanted to stay awake and keep an eye on my little guy.  I wanted to make sure he was okay.

I continued to chew on the thought of God's ability to sleep.  Can God sleep?   I mean, we were created in His image.  So can He sleep, but He just chooses not to?  I realized that I probably will never know the answer to that question...at least on this side of eternity.  But I did know that His word says, "He will not suffer thy foot to be moved: he that keepeth thee will not slumber.  Behold, he that keepeth Israel shall neither slumber nor sleep." Psalm 121:3-4  So even if He is able to sleep, He does not.  He finds it more important to keep watch over His children.

Although I was up and tired from interrupted sleep, God gave me this revelation and wisdom about Himself. The nights are a time for me to stay up late and over think things and worry while I lay in bed.  He is our protection, so we need not worry.  I can rest (pun intended) in confidence knowing that He is keeping watch over me.  If He is able to do this for me, He is also able to do this for my son.

Patricia