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Sunday, December 19, 2010

Day 13

Computer was acting silly yesterday.  I didn't get a chance to write.  Yesterday was cool.  I'm still waiting on God.  The hardest thing for me is giving up my control.  I have always liked feeling like I'm in control.  It makes me feel secure.  Even when I've done all that I can, I still feel the need to control the outcome.  If I have to wait, if I can't see the outcome when I want to see it, I'm not in control...

For example, I go to an audition.  I work my butt off before the audition and during.  Then I leave.  I have no control over anything else after that point.  I think the waiting part is what has always driven me a little crazy.  I want to control that part that I have no control over.  I can't control people, I can't control situations beyond my control.  That's why it's called a situation beyond my control.

Marcus and I have already announced Operation Shake the Hunger to people.  We've shared the idea with our friends and family members.  We've prayed about it and asked for God's blessing.  The rest is really out of our control.  The waiting part is hard.  Not knowing how everything will turn out has been such a challenge for me.

I have to just let it go, and give it over to God, completely.  I have to accept that I can't control the outcome.  I can only control what I do to get what I want.  I've already admitted that this project won't be successful without God's hand.  I admit a task this big is beyond me.  I've never been good at this sort of thing.  That's why I've never tried doing anything like this on my own.  I'm pretty sure this project won't work with our efforts alone.  Operation Shake the hunger needs the hand of God in order for it to be successful...

We've given it over to Him.  We've asked Him to bless it indeed.  Now we wait on Him.  That's all I have to say for day 13...

"Wait on the LORD: be of good courage, and he shall strengthen thine heart: wait, I say, on the LORD." Psalm 27:14


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