February 17, 2015
"For our citizenship is in heaven, from which we also eagerly wait for the Savior, the Lord Jesus Christ." Philippians 3:20
Ever since I had my son I've felt this heaviness over me. In the beginning, I was so excited about him finally being here I didn't notice it. But when life settled in, I started to feel like something terrible was about to happen.
I remember being with him when he was only a few weeks old and playing with him. I took a moment to stare at him, and take in the miracle that he truly is. All of the sudden, my joy was interrupted by an enormous crushing feeling in my heart. I felt this incredible urge to cry, and hold him tight. I felt like now that he's out of my stomach, I just wanted to put him back in and keep him safe from the dangers of this world.
I mean, I was a bit conflicted. I wanted him out so I could hold him, and look at him. But I also wanted to put him back because I felt like he would be much safer in the womb. Then there was that feeling of impending doom. Any time I was away from my husband or son, I'd get this unsettled feeling in my gut. When I was with them, my thoughts were consumed with worry over my sister and mother. Every time I said goodbye to one of them, I would wonder if it was the last time I saw them or spoke with them. These worries ate at my heart, my mind and my energy. I tried to convince myself that if that happened, it was okay because Heaven is better and we would see each other again. Heaven is better, and Jesus is better. But this didn't help put my mind at ease.
What is it about this world that makes us hold on so tight? God blesses us in this life, but we are told that what Jesus has gone and prepared for us is so much better (John 14:3). If we are citizens of Heaven, then we should look forward to going home. It is important to keep that in mind, that this is not our home. This is really just a short stop before we reach our eternal home. And yes, God did bless us with people and things. And not to say that we don't love them and take care of them. We just need to live knowing that this is not our home.
Obviously God doesn't want us living in fear to the point that we feel frozen by it and cannot move. He does, however, want us to keep our live here verses our eternal life in perspective. This is not our home. All that we have belongs to God. We have family and things that God has given us to enjoy. We are to love and take good care of both. But we must always have the eternal perspective.