February 8, 2015
Trust in the Lord with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own understanding. In all thy ways, acknowledge him, and he shall direct thy paths. Proverbs 3:5-6
I don't know about anyone else, but I want God to make my path straight. I have been on the side of life when I did things my way. Before I had a clear understanding of God and His role in my life, I'd ask Him for something, and when He wouldn't do it, I'd get mad, bitter, and hurt. I didn't understand why God wouldn't do what I wanted Him to do. I didn't understand that God was not like my butler or like a vending machine.
I expected Him to jump when I said to jump, and respond to my every beck and call. I expected Him to spoil me, bless me and serve me. Did you catch that? I was the boss and God was my employee. He was to do what I said, when I said it, and that was that. When He wouldn't I'd feel inadequate, or like I didn't pray the right way. So I'd try again. When I still didn't get what I wanted, I'd get more angry, more bitter, and feel more confused by God.
I didn't try to spend time with God, or spend time in His word unless I was trying to find a prayer to help me get stuff. I wasn't looking for a relationship with Him. All I cared about was finding scriptures that fell in line with what I wanted for my life. All I cared about was what God could do for me to make my life happy, peaceful and easy.
When I gave my life to Christ, I lost my car. I mean, within two or three days my car was repossessed. I had no idea bad things happened to followers of Christ. I lost my job, I lost my contact lens. Really...I was going about my business for like 3-4 months with only ONE CONTACT LENS. Finally in April or May, I had to get new ones because that one tore. I had to wear my thick, ugly glasses in the mean time. I did not understand anything about God. I didn't know why he was doing any of this.
Looking back, I realize that my prior actions resulted in most of those consequences. They just happened to occur after I gave my life to Christ. I didn't pay my car payment on time more than once in a row. I didn't renew my eye prescription like I should have. And the job really was just a temporary gig. They knew I was leaving for LA soon, they were bought out by another company, and they no longer needed my services. I spent two years with them as a temp. And they gave me a really great going away party.
Anyway, God does not work for me. He is my heavenly father. Yes, He loves me, but He does not have to give me everything I ask for. He already gave me everything when He sent His only son, Jesus, to die on a cross and pay for my sins.
It's like my little boy. He may be fascinated with my cell phone, and He may want to play on it all day, but I know he needs to do other things, so I don't always say Yes to him when he points for my cell phone.
We may not understand why He says Yes or No at times. But He knows. We are to trust in Him with all of our heart. We are to acknowledge Him because He is God, because He is good and because He loves us. We acknowledge Him in everything. When He says Yes. When He says No. We must acknowledge Him, because He knows what is best for us. He knows exactly what He has planned for us, and if we continue trusting in Him, and acknowledging Him, we will be more aware of the path that He has set before us.
I know that moving in the direction I choose without God's blessing is risky. I don't want to operate outside of His will because although following Jesus is tough, not following him is worse. Operating inside of God's will, I may not know what I will get, but at least I know He is with me. God told Jacob not to fear or be dismayed because He was with him, and He would help him (Isaiah 41:10). I want God to direct my path and lead me in the way that He wants me to go because although I may not know when, or what, or the outcome, I know that He will be with me always.
Though I may not understand what He is doing, or His ways and reasons for doing certain things I know that I can trust Him with all of my heart.