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January 18, 2015

"Let not your heart be troubled: believe in God, believe also in me. In my father's house are many mansions; if it were not so, I would have told you." John 14:1-2

Ever since I became a Mom, I have struggled with something.  I am embarrassed to share this, but I fully believe that often we have to confess our sins before others (as well as God) in order to be set free of them.  Bringing them to light, often breaks the chains they may hold us under.

One of my biggest things is being okay with my son's love for my Mother in law.  In the beginning, I experienced a lot of jealousy and did not want him around her.  I felt inadequate as a Mom in comparison to her, and just wanted some space to figure the whole Mom role out.

Thankfully, God has worked in much of those areas helping me to be a better sport.  However, there are still moments when I feel this deep burning inside of me when I see him with her.  I want my son to love me.  I want him to want to be around me, and to know who I am.  As his Mom, I believe my role in his life is pretty important.  I want him to know and understand the importance of this role.

This is how God wants us to view Him.  He is a jealous God.  He wants us to love Him with all of our hearts.  He wants to be first in our lives.  He wants us to want to be in His presence at all times, to want to spend time with Him.

Now don't get me wrong, I love my Mother in law.  She is an incredible person, and I am so thankful to her for all that she has done for my son.  When I really think about it, she is such an amazing and Godly example for him to be around and learn from.  My issue was just like I was competing with her for his love, and wanting to seek her out for comfort rather than me.  Furthermore, there was worry that he would not view me as important in his life because of the amount of time he spend with her vs. the amount of time he spends with me.

Again, God.  He wants to be number one in our life.  He wants to be the first place we run when we need comfort and in times of sadness, pain or trouble.  He doesn't want to be our last resort, He wants to be our first stop. He wants us to know Him, and not confuse anything else for Him.

Another revelation God has been showing me is that not only does He want to be number one, but He is Father to all of us, and His love is big enough for each of us.  My son's love for his grandmother, though not as big as God's love, will not take anything away from the love he has for me.  He, like myself, was created in God's image.  Therefore, his heart and love is big enough to hold the both of us.  Additionally, God called me to be his Mom.  He has only one mother, much like we only have one Heavenly Father.

God revealed to me after much prayer around this, that another reason I feel this way is because of His love for me.  I have doubted for so long His ability to love me as much as He loves others.  But this just doesn't line up with God.  He is love.  He loves ALL of His children the same.  John 3:16 explains that.  For God so loved the world, that He gave his only begotten son, that whosoever believeth in him should not perish, but have everlasting life.

God has more than enough.  Our treasures in heaven are more than enough without anyone feeling cheated by God.  Not only does He not have more than enough of everything to supply our physical needs (food, clothing, water, etc.), He also has more than enough LOVE for all of His children.  None of us need to feel deprived.  We only need to receive it.

PAG