January 13, 2015
"Then said Jesus, Father, forgive them; for they know not what they do." Luke 23:34
One of my coworkers and I have a very awkward relationship. In the beginning, it was pleasant. Lots of polite hellos and quick getting to know you conversations, and respect.
Then something happened. We were preparing for a very big school registration, and my department was leading the process. As a way to keep certain groups looking succinct, we bought them polo shirts. I was given a list of people who needed to receive these polo shirts.
They were nice shirts, but the response was a bit overwhelming. People who were not on the list, contacted me about the shirts, requesting one. People with similar shirts wanting one to add to their shirt collection. Most people were fine with my not being able to give them a shirt. Some were upset about it, but moved on. This particular employee would not stop pestering me about getting a polo. He kept telling me, "I am new and I have no shirts. Please!" I am sorry. I'd tell him. I cannot give you a shirt. That was not enough. He would not stop. For two days, each time he saw me, he'd mention getting one of the shirts. That's all I heard about from him.
Aggravated out of my mind by him after listening to him go on and on about getting a shirt, I finally grabbed one and threw it at him, "Here! JESUS!" And walked off. To that, his demeanor changed. His face fell and he said, "You know what, never mind." I thought to myself, Really? Then he said, "I don't need it that bad." As if response was not bad enough, I continued with, "Obviously you do because you've been bothering me about it for two days. Keep the shirt!"
The next day was registration. I saw him and guess what, he was NOT wearing the shirt. I was beyond livid. I felt like I was seeing red, and I could feel the steam coming out of my ears. At some point during the day, what I had done began to sink in. Originally, I wondered if maybe I was a little harsh, but I concluded that I was justified in my response and anger. Now, I was beginning reflect on my actions and what it expressed about me. Furthermore, I began to reflect on how my actions reflect on my profession to be a follower of Christ. My actions cast a poor reflection for myself and of Christ. I am called to be the hands and feet of Christ. If that was the only Jesus related thing he saw, would he want Jesus? I needed to apologize.
I didn't want to. I kept making excuses in my mind why I didn't need to apologize. God knows I'm sorry. and As long as I know I'm truly sorry that's all that really matters. At some point during registration, I did apologize. He accepted my apology.
After the apology, I've noticed each time I see him there's this awkwardness. It is almost like he doesn't want to look at me or acknowledge me. When I say hello to him, it almost seems like it is taking all of his energy to respond. It is a short response, with strained politeness. But there is always this awkwardness hanging over the room and I am transformed back to that moment when I was a complete jerk to him over a silly shirt. And I wonder, have I truly been forgiven.
It may all just be in my head, but I do wonder if he has forgiven me. Yes, my behavior was atrocious. Yes, I was a poor reflection of Christ to him, and yes I was a terrible reflection of myself, and the kind of person I want to be perceived as.
After thinking about this situation, I was led to this scripture, "As far as the east is from the west, so far hath he removed our transgressions from us." Psalm 103:12 What if God were the same way? I used to wonder if when I asked His forgiveness, did He really forgive me? Or was there that awkwardness still lingering? His words says He has removed my transgressions far from me. Therefore, He must truly forgive and forget them.
If God is able to forgive us, why is it so hard for us to truly forgive others? Jesus, took our burdens on, and died on a cross for us. When He was hanging on that cross, He did not have a spirit of bitterness or anger. He has compassion for us and forgiveness. He asked God to forgive us because we had no idea what we were doing. People lied on Him, whipped Him, spat in His face and mocked Him. How much pain did He experience at the hand of them? How much pain has He experienced at our hand, yet He forgave them, and He forgives us.
When I try to imagine what Jesus must have felt like in those moments leading to the cross, I wonder How can I possibly NOT forgive when He did? He is the example I want to follow, so why can't I do that? Though I strive to be more like Him in this way, I am reminded in those weaker human moments how much I need Him to soften my heart, and remind me of the forgiveness He has bestowed upon me.
PAG
Friday, January 23, 2015
Thursday, January 22, 2015
12/365
January 12, 2015
"He shall cover thee with his feathers, and under his wings shalt thou trust: his truth shall be thy shield and buckler." Psalm 91:4
Parenthood. It is full of challenges and blessings. Nothing like holding your child and watching them sleep peacefully in your arms. There is also nothing like watching them run to you when they see you, and wrapping their arms around you. There is also nothing like having them smack you in the face when you have upset them. Or them not cooperating with you, and crying like you just ended their world, when all you want to do is change their diaper.
Through this parenthood journey, I have had many opportunities for practicing patience, and realized the true meaning of grace and forgiveness. There are moments when I cannot stand to see my son upset about something. For example, he is playing with my tablet and having a grand old time and I take it away. Or I make him stop playing with something inappropriate. I just want him to be happy and smile and giggle. On the other hand, I am his parent. I am older and wiser, and I want him to be safe. It is, after all, my job to protect him.
When I see him go for something on the floor to put in his mouth, yes, he might cry and look at me as if I've broken his heart, but I am doing this to protect him. I had this thought earlier today while missing my son and thinking of his, "you broke my heart" face. Then I realized that God is my heavenly father and He does the same thing for me. He answers prayers. He can move mountains. He is God, Lord of all.
His ability to do anything does not keep Him from saying no. Like a parent, He is able to say no, and at times, He does. Not because He wants to hurt me. At times, he says no in order to protect me. He may also be trying to teach me a lesson. We moved back from LA in May 2011. I was sad, angry and bitter at God for a long time. I could not let go of how I felt. It was as if God had come down and ripped my heart out of my chest and held it over my head staring down at me.
After much praying, meditating, fasting, etc., I did realize that by Him moving us out of LA and sending us back home, He may have been protecting us from something. Or, he might have been teaching us a lesson. God is good. He is our father in heaven, and He wants the very best for His children. If He says no, it is with good reason. He may want us to wait, learn something first, or become better prepared for what we are asking Him for. Or, since He is all knowing, He is able to see what we are not able to see. He knows the outcome, and it may not be what we expect, thus, He wants to protect us.
Like children with their parents, we just need to trust that He has our very best interest at heart.
PAG
"He shall cover thee with his feathers, and under his wings shalt thou trust: his truth shall be thy shield and buckler." Psalm 91:4
Parenthood. It is full of challenges and blessings. Nothing like holding your child and watching them sleep peacefully in your arms. There is also nothing like watching them run to you when they see you, and wrapping their arms around you. There is also nothing like having them smack you in the face when you have upset them. Or them not cooperating with you, and crying like you just ended their world, when all you want to do is change their diaper.
Through this parenthood journey, I have had many opportunities for practicing patience, and realized the true meaning of grace and forgiveness. There are moments when I cannot stand to see my son upset about something. For example, he is playing with my tablet and having a grand old time and I take it away. Or I make him stop playing with something inappropriate. I just want him to be happy and smile and giggle. On the other hand, I am his parent. I am older and wiser, and I want him to be safe. It is, after all, my job to protect him.
When I see him go for something on the floor to put in his mouth, yes, he might cry and look at me as if I've broken his heart, but I am doing this to protect him. I had this thought earlier today while missing my son and thinking of his, "you broke my heart" face. Then I realized that God is my heavenly father and He does the same thing for me. He answers prayers. He can move mountains. He is God, Lord of all.
His ability to do anything does not keep Him from saying no. Like a parent, He is able to say no, and at times, He does. Not because He wants to hurt me. At times, he says no in order to protect me. He may also be trying to teach me a lesson. We moved back from LA in May 2011. I was sad, angry and bitter at God for a long time. I could not let go of how I felt. It was as if God had come down and ripped my heart out of my chest and held it over my head staring down at me.
After much praying, meditating, fasting, etc., I did realize that by Him moving us out of LA and sending us back home, He may have been protecting us from something. Or, he might have been teaching us a lesson. God is good. He is our father in heaven, and He wants the very best for His children. If He says no, it is with good reason. He may want us to wait, learn something first, or become better prepared for what we are asking Him for. Or, since He is all knowing, He is able to see what we are not able to see. He knows the outcome, and it may not be what we expect, thus, He wants to protect us.
Like children with their parents, we just need to trust that He has our very best interest at heart.
PAG
11/365
January 11, 2015
"But seek ye first the kingdom of God, and his righteousness; and all these things shall be added unto you." Matthew 6:33
You ever have a busy day? I do. I have them all the time. Woke up early, but not early enough. Got lots accomplished. 9:15pm, I come downstairs from putting my son to bed, and I am faced with my morning readings, which I missed.
We slept in until 6:00am, and although we got lots accomplished throughout our day, we missed our morning reading. We did attend church, but I have been working on taking time to spend with God each morning. I am the kind of person that goes after things. I like setting goals, and completing tasks. There are times when I get caught up in life that I forget to stop and spend time with the giver of life. Therefore, I am working on getting better about that. This is important.
God doesn't mind us being productive. It clearly states it in Proverbs 6:6, "Go to the ant, thou sluggard, consider her ways, and be wise." I have never seen an idle ant. Although God wants us to be productive, and not be lazy, Jesus is clear when He tells us to not worry about certain things in life Matthew 6:31, 34. We need only seek first His kingdom and all other things will be added to us. I need to remember this next time I put God's word aside to accomplish other things. He has promised to handle it if I seek Him first. This means making Him my top priority.
PAR
"But seek ye first the kingdom of God, and his righteousness; and all these things shall be added unto you." Matthew 6:33
You ever have a busy day? I do. I have them all the time. Woke up early, but not early enough. Got lots accomplished. 9:15pm, I come downstairs from putting my son to bed, and I am faced with my morning readings, which I missed.
We slept in until 6:00am, and although we got lots accomplished throughout our day, we missed our morning reading. We did attend church, but I have been working on taking time to spend with God each morning. I am the kind of person that goes after things. I like setting goals, and completing tasks. There are times when I get caught up in life that I forget to stop and spend time with the giver of life. Therefore, I am working on getting better about that. This is important.
God doesn't mind us being productive. It clearly states it in Proverbs 6:6, "Go to the ant, thou sluggard, consider her ways, and be wise." I have never seen an idle ant. Although God wants us to be productive, and not be lazy, Jesus is clear when He tells us to not worry about certain things in life Matthew 6:31, 34. We need only seek first His kingdom and all other things will be added to us. I need to remember this next time I put God's word aside to accomplish other things. He has promised to handle it if I seek Him first. This means making Him my top priority.
PAR
Friday, January 16, 2015
10/365
January 10, 2015
"I do not ask You to take them out of the world, but to keep them from the evil one. "They are not of the world, even as I am not of the world. Sanctify them in the truth; Your word is truth." John 17:15-17
So although I'm fasting, I am the only one in my house fasting right now. There are five of us living under the same roof. 4 adults and one child. I have been around food the whole time while at home. I am either feeding my son, or smelling the aroma of breakfast, lunch or dinner. I also sit at the dinner table to socialize. I want to teach my son the importance of eating together as a family. So I am around food. The trend doesn't stop at home either. I have been around coworkers who do not know that I am fasting. They eat, crunch, smack and I sit doing my best to drown out the smells and sounds. Food is everywhere.
When fasting, the only way to avoid it would be for me to avoid all human contact. It's kind of like sin. The only way we Christ followers can avoid the sins of this world is by cutting off human contact. But Jesus is very clear in His prayer to God that He wants us to remain in the world. How else can we reach the lost and be a light in the darkness? We are, however, to resist temptation.
Although we are in the world, Jesus states that as He was not, we too are not of this world. That is a hard fact. I mean, when I am with a group and they start gossiping about someone, what is my role? I am in the room, but do I have to be a part of the conversation? If I am around people actively sinning, I may be tempted to go along. But as a child of God, that is not my role. If I am in the world, I am in the world. But I do not have to participate in the temptations and sins of this world knowingly. Don't get me wrong, we've all sinned and fallen short of God's glory (Romans 3:23). We will never live a day on this side of heaven without sinning in some way, shape or form. But if we know we are sinning, our role as Christ followers is not to continue in it, we are to turn away from the sin.
Jesus also prayed that God would sanctify us in truth. To sanctify means to set apart. If we are set apart in God's truth, that means that we are in the word and familiar with the word, when we are in the word more consistently. If we are in the word more consistently, then we are more able to know our position in Christ, and stand firmly on that position. We remember that we are set apart, and we are rooted deeply enough in the word that we are strong enough to act accordingly. We are reminded that though we are in the world, we are not of the world; thus we have the choice not to participate in the things of this world, no matter how difficult.
Fasting in itself is a challenge. Throw in yummy smells and visuals of food, and this practice can become ten times more difficult. As I set myself apart, I must remain deeply rooted in God's word so that when I have the choice to give in to temptation, I am able to stand strong and continue honoring God.
PAG
"I do not ask You to take them out of the world, but to keep them from the evil one. "They are not of the world, even as I am not of the world. Sanctify them in the truth; Your word is truth." John 17:15-17
So although I'm fasting, I am the only one in my house fasting right now. There are five of us living under the same roof. 4 adults and one child. I have been around food the whole time while at home. I am either feeding my son, or smelling the aroma of breakfast, lunch or dinner. I also sit at the dinner table to socialize. I want to teach my son the importance of eating together as a family. So I am around food. The trend doesn't stop at home either. I have been around coworkers who do not know that I am fasting. They eat, crunch, smack and I sit doing my best to drown out the smells and sounds. Food is everywhere.
When fasting, the only way to avoid it would be for me to avoid all human contact. It's kind of like sin. The only way we Christ followers can avoid the sins of this world is by cutting off human contact. But Jesus is very clear in His prayer to God that He wants us to remain in the world. How else can we reach the lost and be a light in the darkness? We are, however, to resist temptation.
Although we are in the world, Jesus states that as He was not, we too are not of this world. That is a hard fact. I mean, when I am with a group and they start gossiping about someone, what is my role? I am in the room, but do I have to be a part of the conversation? If I am around people actively sinning, I may be tempted to go along. But as a child of God, that is not my role. If I am in the world, I am in the world. But I do not have to participate in the temptations and sins of this world knowingly. Don't get me wrong, we've all sinned and fallen short of God's glory (Romans 3:23). We will never live a day on this side of heaven without sinning in some way, shape or form. But if we know we are sinning, our role as Christ followers is not to continue in it, we are to turn away from the sin.
Jesus also prayed that God would sanctify us in truth. To sanctify means to set apart. If we are set apart in God's truth, that means that we are in the word and familiar with the word, when we are in the word more consistently. If we are in the word more consistently, then we are more able to know our position in Christ, and stand firmly on that position. We remember that we are set apart, and we are rooted deeply enough in the word that we are strong enough to act accordingly. We are reminded that though we are in the world, we are not of the world; thus we have the choice not to participate in the things of this world, no matter how difficult.
Fasting in itself is a challenge. Throw in yummy smells and visuals of food, and this practice can become ten times more difficult. As I set myself apart, I must remain deeply rooted in God's word so that when I have the choice to give in to temptation, I am able to stand strong and continue honoring God.
PAG
9/365
January 9, 2015
"A man's heart deviseth his way: but the Lord directeth his steps." Proverbs 16:9
This morning when the alarm rang at 5:ooam, I dragged myself out of bed convincing my body and mind to leave my comfy and warm bed. I always find it most challenging to get out of bed on cold days. But this morning, I was on a mission. I had to get up and get going on certain activities so that I could complete them before my son woke up. The last two days, he slept until 6:00am and 6:30am, so I was banking on him repeating that pattern.
I sat down in front of my Bible for some quiet time, opened it up to the chapter that I was about to read and
BAM! I heard his cry over the monitor. I went upstairs and sure enough, he was awake and eagerly awaiting someone to come take him out of his crib. There goes my quiet time! I thought to myself. I gave him his breakfast hoping he'd settle a bit and rest some more. Nope...he was wide awake and ready to play. I first tried to finish my quiet time with him in my lap. I gave him a book to keep him occupied. My idea didn't work. I wondered if I'd be able to finish my quiet time this morning.
Then, I got another thought. I decided to bring his toys and books, set them on the floor close to me to see if he'd entertain himself. Thankfully, he was able to keep himself busy while I completed my quiet time.
Isn't that how life is though? We make plans, but God orders our footsteps. How incredibly frustrating that can be. I am a planner. I like to know what to expect. When God comes in and interrupts my plans, it makes me a bit uneasy. In addition to being a planner, I am also a completer. I like to complete tasks. When I don't I feel unaccomplished. So when I make plans, I want to get them done. Though sometimes I do eventually complete them, there are other times I do not complete them. Sometimes God has other plans for us. I've been in these situations before. In the beginning, they are very challenging for me. I've fought them because I refuse to let go of my plans. But that only makes me more frustrated. There are times when I just throw up my hands and say, "Okay, God! What do you want me to do?" I have learned that no matter how frustrated I may feel in the beginning, and how resistant I can be, when I humble myself to God, and go along with what He has for me. Not only do I feel peace, but I always seem to realize that His path for my footsteps in the situation is so much more than what I planned. Working away from my son 8 hours a day is tough. So being able to do my morning with him near is such a delight to my heart. Not only that, but I am able to model for him, what it looks like to spend a little time in God's word each morning.
PAG
"A man's heart deviseth his way: but the Lord directeth his steps." Proverbs 16:9
This morning when the alarm rang at 5:ooam, I dragged myself out of bed convincing my body and mind to leave my comfy and warm bed. I always find it most challenging to get out of bed on cold days. But this morning, I was on a mission. I had to get up and get going on certain activities so that I could complete them before my son woke up. The last two days, he slept until 6:00am and 6:30am, so I was banking on him repeating that pattern.
I sat down in front of my Bible for some quiet time, opened it up to the chapter that I was about to read and
BAM! I heard his cry over the monitor. I went upstairs and sure enough, he was awake and eagerly awaiting someone to come take him out of his crib. There goes my quiet time! I thought to myself. I gave him his breakfast hoping he'd settle a bit and rest some more. Nope...he was wide awake and ready to play. I first tried to finish my quiet time with him in my lap. I gave him a book to keep him occupied. My idea didn't work. I wondered if I'd be able to finish my quiet time this morning.
Then, I got another thought. I decided to bring his toys and books, set them on the floor close to me to see if he'd entertain himself. Thankfully, he was able to keep himself busy while I completed my quiet time.
Isn't that how life is though? We make plans, but God orders our footsteps. How incredibly frustrating that can be. I am a planner. I like to know what to expect. When God comes in and interrupts my plans, it makes me a bit uneasy. In addition to being a planner, I am also a completer. I like to complete tasks. When I don't I feel unaccomplished. So when I make plans, I want to get them done. Though sometimes I do eventually complete them, there are other times I do not complete them. Sometimes God has other plans for us. I've been in these situations before. In the beginning, they are very challenging for me. I've fought them because I refuse to let go of my plans. But that only makes me more frustrated. There are times when I just throw up my hands and say, "Okay, God! What do you want me to do?" I have learned that no matter how frustrated I may feel in the beginning, and how resistant I can be, when I humble myself to God, and go along with what He has for me. Not only do I feel peace, but I always seem to realize that His path for my footsteps in the situation is so much more than what I planned. Working away from my son 8 hours a day is tough. So being able to do my morning with him near is such a delight to my heart. Not only that, but I am able to model for him, what it looks like to spend a little time in God's word each morning.
PAG
Monday, January 12, 2015
7/365
January 7, 2015
"The Lord is nigh unto them that are of a broken heart, and saveth such as are of an contrite spirit." Psalm 34:68
Loss...is something that we will all experience. Although loss of any kind is difficult, the loss of a loved one is one of the hardest things we can face in this life. If you have not yet experienced loss, rest assured, you will. Nothing in our life is more certain than this. We all come into the world through birth, and we will all leave through death. This part has always been the part I am most uncomfortable with. It is the part I do not look forward to. But who looks forward to loss?
Two coworkers recently experienced loss. There is always this deafening silence in these moments. Wanting so badly to rewind time and somehow change things. So desperate for things to go back to how they were before the moment you knew.
Why does this happen? Why do we have to experience loss of loved ones? To answer with, "Its just a part of life", seems cliche and empty. I need more. What do you say to a grieving person? And what do you say to yourself when you experience it?
I supposed we cannot truly appreciate life without death. We cannot truly appreciate those in our lives without knowing that there is an end time for all of us. We do not carry this thought with us daily as a burden, however, we carry this thought as a reminder to love and love big.
But what does God say about it? There is an answer for everything in the scriptures. I mean, the Bible is God inspired. And God is the creator of the ENTIRE UNIVERSE. So what does He say? I searched and searched and prayed for revelation about it. The only passage that I came across was in Psalm 34:68. I am not sure why people have to die and why we have to lose our loved ones or experience loss. I do know that as the passage states, God is near us when we are brokenhearted. Contrite according to Merriam-Webster Dictionary means those that are feeling or showing sorrow or remorse.
So although we may never know why we experience loss, we can take comfort in knowing that God is with us, and He cares for us. He is our comforter (Jeremiah 8:18), and He will walk with us through the pain.
PAR
365 Blog Update
January 12, 2015
So although I confess I have been keeping up with writing every day. I have not been keeping up with typing it out on the blog. I am working getting the dates missing uploaded here. My apologies for the inconvenience.
PAR
So although I confess I have been keeping up with writing every day. I have not been keeping up with typing it out on the blog. I am working getting the dates missing uploaded here. My apologies for the inconvenience.
PAR
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